You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
