I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
