He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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