Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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