I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
