I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
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