somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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