I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
