Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
