...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
