I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
