who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
And then he peed in my hair
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