If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
