My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
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