Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
