he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
