In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
