I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
