i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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