I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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