dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
