I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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