yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
