please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
