If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
