I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
