what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
