She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
