and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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