i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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