distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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