I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
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