I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
