I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
