he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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