i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
