I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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