Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
