so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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