Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
