Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
