There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
