capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
