If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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