he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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