we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
