Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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