I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Randomize
