I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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