He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
