Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
