Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
the liver wants what the liver wants
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
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